4. Stop putting your own needs on the back burner.
– The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too. Yes, help others; but help yourself too. If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now.
I thought I had forgotten how terrible I felt a couple of years ago and today, just right now, it all came back to me.
But you know what? You can be stuck in your ignorant little world, believing you are superior to everyone, including me, all by your-damn-self. Because deep inside, you will never change; because, deep inside, you will always be that person who everyone fucking hates; because, deep down, in your heart, if you fucking have one, you will never be a good person - no matter how hard you try to convince yourself and those around you that you are, that you really, really are.
Horrible memories just came to my mind and I really don’t want to think about it anymore, but I can’t help it at this moment. I remembered that I hate you. I remembered that I will always, no matter how much I try not to, fucking despise every inch of your being, every word you have ever spoken, will speak, every action you have taken, will take, and everything that you pretend to be. I hate everything about you. Absolutely everything. There is no good in you, and I’m so, so grateful that I left you before it got worse, before you decided that the only way to mold me into what you wanted me to be was to beat me with your disgusting, bloodstained hands. I wish you had hit me. I always wish you had hit me so that I could show everyone what you really are, but unfortunately, you manipulated me into thinking you were good for me, good to me, better than me. Fuck you and fuck every single insult you ever directed at me, every single scream, every single time you looked at me thinking you could own me, every single time you slept next to me while I cried into my pillow, every single day and night that I hated my life and myself because you made me feel as though I did not matter. Fuck everything that ever happened between us, every laugh you ever took out of me, every tear, everything, absolutely everything that ever made me a part of you. Fuck you and your despicable, racist, intolerant, manipulative, judgmental piece of shit personality. I hate you. I really, truly, hate you and I will never hate anyone as much as I hate you and everything that you caused. Never. Not ever.
The worst part about this is that now, remembering, I feel the tears swell up in my eyes because it still hurts to think about. It still hurts to know that I let myself be misused and abused by you, of all people, and you called it “love.” There are not enough words in the English language, in any language, to express how much I resent you, loathe you, fucking abhor you. You wounded me. You really did, and I hope, some day, with all my fucking might and hope, that someone, someday destroys you. I hope you suffer. I hope you never find someone else to wound. I hope you never, not once in your life, truly have the love of someone. I hope you fucking hurt every goddamn miserable day of your miserable, meaningless life. You are nothing but ashes that I’ve thrown into the sea for the sharks to digest. You are nothing and one day you will come to this realization and fucking hate everything that you are, just like everyone else does. Drown in your self-pity. Fucking drown in it and never resurface.
Me tomas la mano y te llevas mi alma entera
No la quiero de vuelta
Todo es tuyo
Todo lo mio es para ti, para que beses y ames y tengas en tus manos
No te pido nada, solo que me beses y me ames y me tengas en tus manos
No te pido nada, solo que no te vayas, que me ames y me tengas en tus manos
No te pido nada, solo que te quedes porque yo, con todo lo feo que tengo por dentro te amo y eso me hace mas linda, mas feliz.
No te pido nada, solo que me ames, porque sin eso no me queda nada.
Looking at you.
The scent of your skin is what gets me.
When you smile there’s a fire starting in me
it’s golden, invaluable
I never want it to go out.